There are days at UC Berkeley when I wake up, look in the mirror, and think: Am I even a person, or just a very tired shell of one? I throw on my usual rotation of “basic but functional” outfits. Oversized hoodie, jeans, my trusty sneakers. Only to step outside and see people who somehow managed to curate an outfit that screams, “I have my life together.” (Do they? I’m convinced they don’t.)
From the moment I leave my apartment, my day is a nonstop sequence of obligations. Class, work, studying, a club meeting, a quick bite (if I’m lucky), more studying, maybe a social event I forgot I RSVP’d to. I’m running on caffeine and ambition, yet somehow, I feel like I’m running on empty. My to-do list is never-ending, and despite constantly doing things, I feel like I’ve accomplished… nothing.
And the worst part? Everyone around me seems to be doing more. That girl in my bio class who’s spearheading a research project on sustainable medicine. The guy in my data science course who just landed an internship at Google. The friend of a friend who’s launching a start-up and still finds time to hit the gym. Meanwhile, I’m debating if I should run to the store to grab a snack or waste my money on mediocre campus food. PRIORITIES!
It’s exhausting. The hunger never really goes away. Physically, mentally, existentially. I’m constantly chasing a sense of fulfillment, of achievement, of meaning. And just when I start spiraling into a full-blown crisis about whether I’m failing at this whole “thriving in college” thing, I meet up with my friends.
Over food at our usual late-night spot, someone sighs dramatically and says, “I feel like I’m doing so much but absolutely nothing at the same time.” And just like that, we all nod in agreement. We’re all tired. We’re all overwhelmed. We’re all questioning our entire existence in this academic pressure cooker.
Maybe that’s the beauty of it. We may feel alone in the chaos, but the chaos is universal. So, we embrace it. We complain, we laugh, we push through. And tomorrow, we do it all over again.
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