They say time heals all wounds, but what about the ones that never fully close? The ones that seem fine until something small—something you weren’t prepared to see—rips them open again. I thought I had moved on. I really did. But today, I saw something I wish I hadn’t, and now I’m questioning everything.
Freshman year, there was this guy. I won’t name him because, honestly, he doesn’t deserve the space in my story anymore. But back then, he took up way too much of it. He was crazy about me—love-bombing, texting me about hooking up, telling me I was the cutest guy he had ever seen. But he was also toxic as hell. He’d call me names, treat me like an afterthought, leave me for his friends like I was disposable. And for some reason, I let it happen. Until I didn’t. There was a point where I had had enough, and I cut him off completely.
But, of course, it was never that simple. Every now and then, we’d text. Usually when we were too drunk to think rationally, too caught up in nostalgia, too weak to resist the comfort of what was familiar—even if it was toxic. And I hated that. I hated that I had a soft spot for someone who treated me like I was an option. But eventually, I did move on. I met new people, built myself back up, and left that mess behind me.
Or so I thought.
This morning, I saw his post—a soft launch. A relationship. A moment I wasn’t expecting, and suddenly, it hit me like a punch to the gut. Not because I still want him, not because I still have feelings, but because why him? The same guy who told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship, the same guy who made me feel like I wasn’t enough, is now with someone else. And I know it doesn’t change anything—I know I’m over him—but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting.
It’s not about wanting him back. It’s about feeling lied to. It’s about wondering why I was never enough to be chosen when he made me feel like I was everything. And I hate that it got to me. But I also think it’s normal. Because moving on isn’t a straight line, and healing doesn’t mean you’re immune to unexpected pain.
So no, I’m not crazy. And neither are you if you’ve ever felt this way. Sometimes, the past finds its way back in, but that doesn’t mean we’re not still moving forward.
And I am. I swear I am.
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