At a college that never sleeps—where connections disappear as fast as an Uber during rush hour—I’ve found myself questioning the nature of intimacy and identity. As a gay man navigating the dating scene, I can’t help but wonder: When did the pursuit of pleasure start feeling like a transaction, leaving real connection behind?
Lately, I’ve met men who seemed to see me through a single lens—one focused purely on physical gratification. Their intentions were obvious, and when I set my boundaries, especially around certain things I wasn’t comfortable with, they disappeared. As if my worth was tied to my willingness to perform.
That left me feeling dehumanized, like I was just an object meant to satisfy someone else’s desires. And it made me wonder: In a world that champions sexual liberation, have we unintentionally commodified ourselves? Are we placing more value on the act than the person behind it?
Of course, sexual compatibility matters. But should it override the essence of who we are? Our preferences, boundaries, and emotions aren’t inconveniences—they’re fundamental to our identity. And when someone walks away the moment we assert them, it raises the question: Were they ever interested in us, or just the idea of us?
In the search for real connection, it’s crucial to find people who see beyond the physical—who recognize the complexity of what makes us, us. True intimacy isn’t just about bodies coming together. It’s about minds and hearts meeting too.
So as I sip my coffee, scrolling through TikTok and watching the world go by, I have to ask: Have we, in prioritizing pleasure, lost sight of personhood? And if so, are we missing out on the deeper connections that make these endless nights worth something more?
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