almost forgot that this is the point

i’m scrolling on tiktok on some random day, not expecting anything more than the usual mindless entertainment. but video after video, i see people soaking up the sun, dancing, laughing with friends, sipping coffee on balconies, captioning their moments with the same phrase:

“almost forgot that this is the point.”

at first, it doesn’t hit. it’s just another trend, i think.

but then i step outside. the sun kisses my semi-tan skin, and the crisp air fills my lungs like it was made just for me. i walk to class, music humming in my ears. the kind that makes the world feel cinematic. everything feels aligned.

i’m alone, but not lonely. i love the solitude, the simple joy of existing in my own company. the weather is perfect, the soundtrack of my life is flowing beautifully, and for once, the stress of school feels like background noise instead of a weight.
life is beautiful. i smile. i carry on.

the next day, we celebrate one of my closest friends. we take a boat ride, laugh under the sky, talk about everything and nothing, soaking in joy like it’s endless. and again, that thought returns:
wow. i’m high on life. this is it.

no alcohol, no substances (maybe some eddies) — just joy, pure and electric. a reminder that life doesn’t always need fixing. sometimes, it’s just meant to be felt.

but then — like a sudden gust of wind pushing dark clouds over a blue sky — the light shifts.

i wake up. i get ready for class. but something’s off.

the weather is gloomy. the sun is gone. and worse, i’m deep in my head.

the highs of yesterday feel distant.

life feels… flat.

i’m restless, lonely. i find myself craving connection, aching for something undefined — maybe a man, maybe meaning, maybe both.

the music? it doesn’t hit the same.

the little things that made me smile yesterday now irritate me.
and worst of all? i’m tired. not physically. just… tired. even though i just woke up.

i try to rationalize. i tell myself it’s just the weather, the stress, the to-do lists. but deep down, i know that’s not it.
so i sit with myself. i reflect.

and i realize — it’s not the weather, or the music, or even the loneliness.

it’s me. it’s the way my mind sometimes searches for reasons to be unhappy, to feel off. it’s like i’m creating shadows in a room full of light.

why do i do that?

why do we do that?

and what does that say about those tiktok videos — about “the point”?

now, i’m sitting in a coffee shop, my warm drink in hand, watching the cold world blur past the window.

still a little confused. still deep in thought. but also… grounded.
maybe the point isn’t just the highs — the sun, the music, the boat rides.

maybe the point is this, too.

the stillness. the quiet. the uncomfortable questioning. the days when you’re tired for no reason, but you show up anyway.
maybe this is also living.

maybe the point is remembering that every part of life — the light, the dark, the “meh” — is still life. and that’s kind of beautiful, too.